Treble-winner Samuel Eto’o (Barça and Inter) used to say: “Goals are like rats … you chase them and they’ll simply disappear, like rats up a drainpipe.” Generations of attackers in post-match interviews would traditionally declare: “I just stuck out my leg and, luckily, it went in!” Almost no one dared analyse the art. Either because of superstition – “talk about goalscoring and the knack will vanish” – or perhaps to avoid the industrial espionage of defenders and keepers getting advance information and putting a goalscoring hoodoo on you. Whatever.

Even those all-time goal geniuses, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, perpetually avoid talking about ‘how’. You could compare it to the Magic Circle whose Latin motto is: indocilis privata loqui – not appropriate to disclose secrets. Member magicians promise not to disclose secrets other than to bona fide students of the ancient art. Well, Haaland possesses this magic. He’s prodigious – currently scoring at a rate greater than anyone in living memory.

Nevertheless, what you’re about to read is the Norwegian’s personal X-ray of what he does, how he does it, what he thrives on, what inspires him – the most clinical and detailed exposition of the goalscoring art that I can remember. During the World Cup, Norway steamrollering their way to an all-time high, football fans watched him doing all the things he’ll now examine for the readers of Champions Journal.

Our chat takes place on a warm, cloudy day on the western side of Manchester – before the Norwegian, who’s happy, radiating confidence and good humour, trains for City. But sufficiently early that we’ve agreed he’ll chat for at least an hour. He’ll talk about movement, timing, happiness, smiling, negativity, physical battles, psychological advantages, scruffy finishes, identity, motivation. Traditionalists will love the first subject – and his attitude. I remind him how many defenders admit trying not to bully Didier Drogba because of the following logic: “If he was calm you at least had a chance of not being monstered physically – but if you enraged him ... look out!”

Haaland loves the theme. Off we go. “Football’s really physical now and getting more so by the day. Engaging physically with your marker depends hugely on who you’re playing and the situation. I like a physical battle – it’s a great thing! But there’s no single correct answer. When I was young, it was amazing watching Drogba against Nemanja Vidić or Rio Ferdinand. Physical contests are good: I want to give that to the spectators. As long as things don’t go too far.”

He warms to his subject. From strength we move to psychology and stealth. Haaland points out: “It’s not just physicality: there are mental and tactical edges to be gained. It’s about staying sharp – you never know what the next minute is going to bring. No matter what happens, stay focused. I love playing on the blind side, making my defender feel uncomfortable.

“He can’t know exactly where you are because he hasn’t got his eyes on you all the time. Be on the blind side and when he looks away, that’s when you have to attack! The defender’s looking around, he looks at you, then there’s an instant where he doesn’t look at you. Attack right then and you have a second on him. Normally, with a second on someone, I’m fast enough and have good enough timing to get to the ball first.”

There’s no avoiding the fact that Haaland’s job is predatorial. Survival of the fittest. Mentally and physically. Feed on the weak. Or, at least, on weaknesses. We’ve all seen nature’s predators in action: they hear, see or smell something which the herd don’t. Ears prick, nostrils flare and something primeval takes over. When do those instincts kick in for him?

“You must be in the moment. Often I don’t touch the ball a lot, which is when it’s even more important to focus and not to think simply about getting touches but to think of doing your job. If an attacking transition is about to start, the first thing is looking around at the defenders, then at my team-mates. Then I look at the space. Immediately, I take a decision on where to try to get the ball to a position where I can score. You need the right timing, you need to prepare well: where the centre-backs are, whether or not they’ll push higher, whether they’ll drop. I don’t like being caught offside.”

“It’s better to be half a metre onside than in line because small things, like a shoulder, can affect a decision. Better to be a little bit onside than right on the edge. So, know your team-mates: when they pass the ball, whether they’ll take another touch. Then you won’t drift offside because you’ll time the run for your team-mates to put the ball in the space. You need the perfect relationship. This is not easy – in fact it’s difficult. When a midfielder or winger has the ball, I need to get inside his head and envisage what he’s going to do – also difficult. Sometimes I know … sometimes I have no idea so I just have to guess.

“The best thing is when you’re right inside the winger’s head, certain of what he’s going to do. He puts the ball exactly where you wanted and you put the ball in the back of the net. Perfect! But peripheral vision is crucial. Preparation before action meaning it’s more likely you’ll execute in the best way. Okay, sometimes you don’t have time to prepare because, luckily, the ball drops straight down in front of you. What then? Should you take time and think what to do? No. Just follow your instinct and shoot exactly where you reckon it’ll go in the back of the net.”

Okay, okay, Erling. Slow down. This is the multi-million dollar subject. That cruel milli-metrical, milli-second difference which separates the good from the group and the all-time greats from the merely very good. Finishing. Turning all the preparation, the gym-work, the video analysis, the bruising, the brains and the bursts of speed into golden moments. I’m talking to the right man: before this new season Haaland had 57 goals in 58 Champions League games. The fastest player to 30, 40 and 50, sequentially removing all those records from Ruud van Nistelrooy.