Antwerp is a lively Belgian port city, centre of the world’s diamond trade and revered for its Renaissance architecture and thriving art scene. This season, it has also been staging Champions League football for the first time, after the nation’s oldest club Royal Antwerp ended their 66-year wait for a fifth Belgian title last term. 

As befitting such an elegant, cultural city with a glittering reputation, we decided to send our own rough diamonds Swaz and Sam – one a Spurs fan the other a Chelsea supporter, neither with anything to do mid-week this season – on their first overseas assignment. Their mission: watch newcomers Antwerp tackle Portuguese heavyweights Porto.

With a clear brief in hand – visit some cultural hotspots, try not to spend too much time in pubs, and give us a full match report – they set off. We didn’t quite get what we’d bargained for, but our intrepid explorers certainly had a trip to remember.

Swaz: The flight Champions Journal booked for us was at 6:50am, so we had to be up at three in the morning to get to Heathrow airport. Nothing at Heathrow is open that early. Not even anywhere to have a pint – just the world’s most extortionate coffee. Not a great start. I was feeling optimistic about Antwerp, though. Sam was feeling… less positive. That’s why our dynamic works, you know? We’re two sides of the same coin. 

Sam: We flew to Brussels and then got a train to Antwerp. The train station was very impressive. This wasn’t the Bakerloo line – it was like a cathedral. We definitely stood out. I could just tell everyone knew we weren’t from there… I think we just dress English.

We got off the train and it was absolutely pouring. No umbrella, and six hours until we could get into our hotel. Thankfully we found a shop and got an umbrella and that was one thing down. It wasn’t like it poured for a while and stopped to give us some respite. It was all day. Torrential.

Swaz: This wasn’t rain mate, it was horrendous. Sam kept saying stuff like, “It’s completely dead here, there’s no one around.” Really cheery. I kept promising him, “You just wait till we get to the main square. The away fans will be at a bar – it’ll be buzzing.”

Sam: We got there… No. Everything was closed. I would say desolate, but the architecture was class, to be fair. It was like that Gothic style. Everything was very clean, very well laid out. It was like something out of Harry Potter – statues everywhere, on the tops of buildings and corners. 

Swaz: It was top drawer, I’d say. There were gargoyles and all that sort of stuff. It beats Mitcham hands down, I’ll tell you that. 

Sam: Yeah, puts south London to shame, for sure. It’s really distinguished. One thing that I did find quite odd – well not odd because I know this happens a lot in Europe – was the tram that goes through the square. It goes round the square and if you’re not looking and you’re not aware that that thing is there, honestly, I don’t know how people aren’t taken out by it. There’s no barriers.